Beyond the Job Title: Navigating the Blurred Lines When Your Career Defines You

It does not typically happen all at once; over time, you realize your frustration, unhappiness, and impatience at work have grown stronger. Suddenly, you find yourself no longer fulfilled in your job, questioning whether you have ever been happy or fulfilled in your job.

Often, individuals who build their entire identity around their career end up in an existential crisis. They question who they are if they do not have their job and wonder if they have wasted all those years working long hours, missing time with family and friends, all to get ahead. You might find yourself in a high-pressure job that has led to unhappiness in your career despite working hard for so many years to get to that position.

The term “enmeshment” describes a situation where boundaries become blurred, and individuals lose the importance of their identity. There are psychologists who specialize in serving individuals who are struggling in their high-pressure careers and become enmeshed in them. Hating your job is one thing, but blurring the lines in your career leads to identifying so closely with your work that hating your job means hating yourself too.

Your career may be starting to define you if:

• The work culture rewards long hours with bonuses, raises, prestige, and promotions.
• Career achievements are often highly valued and give a false sense of importance.
• The job is paired with a big salary, launching you into a new socioeconomic class.

Ask yourself the following questions:

• How much do I think about my job outside of the office?
• Are my thoughts frequently consumed with work-related thoughts?
• When I describe myself, do I include my job, title, or the company I work for?
• Do I spend the majority of my time at work or at home with family/friends?
• How would I feel if I no longer had my job?
• Do I believe that I am indispensable to the point that others would not be okay if I were not in my job?

If you find that you are becoming enmeshed in your job, there are changes you can begin making now.

1. Delegate tasks: Begin freeing up time by handing tasks over to staff and/or coworkers. This means giving up control of how the work is done, which is a healthy exercise to start with.
2. Start with small activities outside of work: Do not commit to long-term changes, but instead, begin exploring new things to do outside of work – for example, taking daily walks, going to the gym, or going out for lunch. Starting with small changes can result in long-term improvements over time.
3. Reconnect with family/friends: Reach out to family/friends that you have become disconnected from. Reestablish your support system by reaching out via text, phone, or email, catching up, and strengthening relationships.
4. Look beyond your job title: Reframe your relationship with your career by utilizing your skills across different areas and departments.
5. Determine what is important to you: Establish your own principles and values and consider what is important to you in life. Take time to reflect on family and personal relationships, your career, and where you want your work-life to be.

Taking pride in your work or identifying with your career is not necessarily bad; however, if you become enmeshed in your career, it can lead to an identity crisis and burnout. Getting laid off or losing your job can lead to anxiety, depression, and even despair. Rebuilding your identity with better balance means reclaiming time for yourself, diversifying activities, and rebuilding relationships.